last night (early morning really – Perth time) we witnessed the first african/american man being sworn in as the US president.

and today we are going to witness a drastic change in the maldivian landscape with changes being brought about to work hours of government employees. this is huge given that a large proportion of maldivians work in the civil service sector.

the current 7:30 to 2:30 work hours on the front is very convinenet for many. for parents it means afternoon is spent with family. for single and young people it means long afternoon naps and leisure. for those economically in dire situation it means time for an afternoon/evening job.

this all sounds pretty good on paper. but the reality is that most government offices (maybe not all) work over-time. hence the mothers technically do not get their hours at home. instead people are ‘forced’ to work long hours. bosses favour people who could work late into the afternoon. and it sometimes seems silly for people to go home at 2:30 to just sit around home. instead people (not all) stick around at work (maybe doing nothing work related) just for the sake of over-time money.

this change maybe not the most popular change that nasheed brings. for obvious reasons like the reduction of over-time. the difficulty of getting two jobs. the reduction in afternoon hours at home for those few people who have the luxury of working a strict 7:30 to 2:30 time schedule. but overall this is a positive change. a strategic move.

i like this change for it would mean we would get to have a good breakfast before going to work and as a result we should see a reduction in tea time spent from work hours. instead a tea break of 15 minutes and a lunch break of 30 minutes would mean a more efficient work environment. and this change in hours will also encourage people to finish work during work hours hence reducing the unneccessary work overtime payments.

i am all for this change

was just reminiscing my times abroad. actually started by looking up the street address of our new temporary address (a friend’s place) that we are moving to in a few days. was sorting out which bus i would need to catch to come to uni.

and then started to marvel at the ingenuity of google maps. i could actually look at our friend’s cars parked at our new destination. this prompted me to look at maale to see if any 3-dimensional attributes have been added to it. but nah. to my dissapointment it still is the still-aerial image. then i went on to check out bhutan. just wanted  a feel of those mountain air. but bhutan seems to be at a more unaccessible state than even maldives. couldn’t zoom in too much. moved away and checked american samoa - the satellite image looks wonderful but could not get any closer.

i then moved on to india, new delhi to find the CSIR apartments and also NISCAIR. it was harder than i initially thought. and only a street map here too. since i had already forgotten the address of either of the palces i went into NISCAIR website and got the following addresses.

NISCAIR, 14 Satsang Vihar Marg, Spl. Instituttional Area, New Mehrauli Road, New Delhi 110067

C-25 CSIR Scientist Apartments, Maharani Bagh, Ashram Chowk, New Delhi-110065

we were taken to NISCAIR from Maharani Bagh everyday on bus and it was about a 30 minutes ride. 

we also went to Agra to see the taj mahal. i went with nayna in a hired car. there was a white man too in our group. don’t remember talking to him too much. on our way back it was just me and nayna. it was only a day trip.

we went to old delhi (on an old rickety bus) for some sight seeing and also went to the lotus temple which is not too far from NISCAIR.

we also went to shimla. it was cold and mountainous. we were there overnight. had some lovely hot chocolate (back then i didn’t drink coffee) and nice photos and sight seeing, not to mention the friendly company. we went there by train around the mountains. it took us a few hours to reach tehre.  jk arranged all the travelling routes and times. i just tagged along. it really was one of the magical places i have been to, apart from Bhutan.

i also accompanied nayna to a buddhist temple (have already forgotten the name of the temple). i was told it was one of the biggest and sacred ones around new delhi. got the chance to see their monks and their decorated gods up close. it felt surreal. at that time it was really strange that they were bowing down low to other humans (dressed in an orange piece of clothing). but today i am more at ease with other peoples’ cultures and their beliefs and rituals. if they find peace in their reglion so be it. we muslims do some strage stuff in the name of religion too. other people will find our galaa ghadharah eemaan vun a bit strange and maybe the namaaz rituals too. what matters is what one believes right!!!

and then there was all these bazaars. chandhni chowk, dilli haat, (and once again i can’t remember the names of the other bazaars). human mind is such a fallible piece of equipment. anyways, there were all these bazaars and the highlight of these for me was the fruit stalls, especially the red luscous lychees on both sides of the roads in their special carts. and then there was the alu gobi and samosa, and alu something (i have forgotten the name). the rickshaws and the autos. all the flies and human odor we just had to tolerate for the joy of all the bargains we found

ok, once again i did it. i found something more important to do than work on that darn thesis i came in with very serious intentions of working on it and half of the day is gone (i wouldn’t say wasted)

this morning i said bye to my little babbie’s carers at the day care centre. this is his last day there and my last time dropping him off (and his dad will pick him up in the afternoon today). i had tears in my eyes just saying bye to them. i found it really difficult to speak. my little baby has done beautifully this year. he was well settled and have grown so much, inside and out. the carers were wonderful and his friends are very dear to him. he has a band of dedicated friends who embraces him every single day with a happy face.

yesterday i said bye to my big babbie’s teacher, the school principal and the administrator/receptionist. they had this graduation party. the principal said “thank you for lending us your son for two years. he has been an absolute delight. a beautiful child. excellent manners”. well, nothing more to say than that my eyes welled up just like that. 

a little praise about our children and we get all emotional don’t we?

and now today, this is my last day at work and so many people are going to walk to me, hug me, and say bye forever. some already did during the last couple of days as they were taking their christmas holidays a bit sooner.

and i am feeling emotional all over again.

i don’t know what is wrong with me.

whenever i am alone and have time to think,

i have this sensation that something is wrong,

that i am waiting for something to happen.

there is a thud thudding in me,

i feel restless.

i am constantly trying to remember what i am forgetting to do.

i keep refreshing my e-mail inbox,

and keep checking the post-box

but i don’t know what news i am waiting for.

have no idea what i am expecting

for some reason i keep anticipating

a ground breaking, mind boggling explosion.

or a sign, or revelation from the unknown.

directing me, guiding me, in the rightful direction.

but for what?

when i step back and take time to observe

all i can say is that it’s me in a jumbled state of mind

with the thesis approaching the closing

time in this land coming to an end

time to say bye to friends made here

time to embrace what i left behind

time to face up to the disharmonic waves in my life

time to once and for all decide what I want

it was strange and it really felt surreal. but at the same time, it was beautiful and we really appreciated us being made part of that group of “graduands”. last week we had an “informal graduation ceremony” for international sponsored students completing their studies this semester or early next year. the research students, like myself, actually have not submitted our thesis yet as our course goes on until the end of february, for most of us. so, along with many other research students, i was there wearing that gown while we actually have not completed our studies.

as international students it is not going to be very feasible for us to come back to attend a formal graduation ceremony, for - we have to leave oz land as soon as the exams are over (for course work students) or as soon as we submit our thesis (for research students). and the earliest graduation will not be after about three months after that. so we cannot stay until that date. and as for coming back, for most of us it is too expensive and not worthwhile spending an awful amount of hard earned money on the tickets to come back to this far away land – and it is especially hard for students with children, like myself.

so it was really great to be able to take part in a graduation ceremony, wearing the pompous gowns, sash (mine was smalt) and motorboard, and go up the stage to receive a “document of completion” (no matter how fake it was). and be able to take photos with family, friends and colleagues, and academics and other support staff who made this learning journey easier and memorable for us.

the timing was fake, the certificate was a blank sheet of paper, but the pride in our eyes and that of our family and friends were real. the glow of the ceremony was real. the rejoicing was real. the sentiment that this day was hard earned was real. of course, for people like myself we still had to get past our last lag of this journey by handing in our thesis in time. and as for me, my thesis is almost there. a first draft is ready. padding up the background chapter and the discussion chapter, writing up the abstract and cutting down some sections to meet the word limit is all that i need to do. and i have faith in myself that i will be able to hand in a sound and scrupulous thesis, at least by the end of jan 09. yeah!!!

the following is an excerpt from Hockly’s book which he wrote based on his experience of Maldives in the mid 1920s.

bringing in reform:

The wave of democracy which has made itself felt not only in the many European countries after the war but also in the Orient, finally broke on the shores of the Maldives. . .
In order to proclaim to his subjects and to the world at large how progressive the Maldives were and how eager to follow in the wake of universal democracy the Sultan [Muhammad Sham-ud-Din Iskandar III] intimated that the new Constitution had been granted to the people at his own expressed desire (p. 139).

wasn’t this personal desire professed even by maumoon in revising the consititution? funny how history keeps repeating itself.

salary of ministers:

       The total population of the Maldivian Archipelago, as I have stated previously, is between 70,000 and 80,000. The annual value of trade is about 500,000 [pounds] and the revenue between 30,000 [pounds] and 40,000 [pounds] . A considerable sum from the latter amount is reserved for the Sultan’s Court and his Civil List. The salaries of the Minsiters have, however, been fixed on a scale seemingly out of all proportion to the revenue of the country, and the relative importance of their positions as compared with those of many larger and more opulent States in Europe, and even the Imperial Japanese Government.
       The Prime Minister is in reciept of a salary of Rs. 12,000, or very nearly 1,000 [pounds] per annum, and each of the other six Ministers receives half this amount. (p.144)

      It is a curious fact that very often when a new Constitution is ushered in those in authority seek to make themselves comfortable by fixing large salaries and emoluments for themselves and by creating new posts and appointments under government and increasing salaries of government officials and employees, no matter how slender the resources or how depleted the government coffers may be. (p. 159)

the cabinet under the first democratic constitution (1932):

The Cabinet of Ministers, therefore, was composed of the following:-
Amir Muhammad Farid Didi, the Prime Minister, the son of Amir Haji Abdul Majid Didi, Ranna Banderi Kilegefanu. Amir Hasan Farid Didi, brother of the Prime Minister, was appointed Minister of Finance and of Foreign Affairs. . .
Mohamed Amin Didi, aged twenty-five, son of Ahmed Didi, and therefore a cousin of the Prime Minister, and son-in-law of Husain Didi Salahaudin, Minister of Justice, became Minister for Commerce.
Husain Didi Salhaudin, at one time Chief Justice of the High Court, was made Minister of Justice.
Ibrahim Ali Didi, son of the late Ali Didi, was given the Ministry of Health and Agriculture.
Ahmed Kamil Didi, half brother of Abdul Hamid Didi, the Maldivian Representative in Ceylon, and Abdul Majid Didi, and uncle of the Prime Minister, was appointed Minister of Home Affairs and of Education.
Muhammad Didi, son of the late Amir Ali Dhori Mena Kilegefanu, was made Minister of Public Works.
It will thus be seen that the Constitution while professing to be a democratic institution has made a close family preserve of the Ministry and high offices of the Government and one is inclined to wonder when and how the will of the people is to prevail (p. 145-146).

was this not the same with maumoon’s government? and i can’t help but believe that the same is happening with nasheed’s government.

my fear is not coming from me not being able to cope with life. i am a very independent person. financially and emotionally. my fear at the moment is not knowing what will happen if i confront him now. my distress at the moment is having to put a brave face and go on for the next several weeks.

in reality, i want to scream, shout, cry and make some damage to this person who is putting me through this. but at the same time i want my relationship to work. for the sake of my children. for the sake of normalcy. for the sake of preserving the intimacy we have had for the past 12 long years. for the sake of having faith in this institution that we call marriage.

i am from a broken family. i haven’t known my dad. i have had a step father and i have had an agonizing childhood. i don’t want my children to experience what i did.

i have also had first had experience of what my mother went through and is going through to hang on to her marriage. i have experienced how my stepfather’s children (my siblings – i don’t consider them half siblings) hate their father to the extent that they don’t even talk to him even when they are living under the same roof.

these are the the two sides of the coin i am looking at at the moment. i am having difficulty deciding what side i am going to choose. do i choose my children not to have a father!? or do i chose my children to have a father yet live hating him or even me for tagging along!?

at the moment i am more inclined to go my own way and break free (but only after i reach home). i am starting to believe that no matter how much i want the relationship to work it will not if he is going to continue the way he is.

the agony really is that past few years have actually been good for us. after the last incident of infidelity on his part during 2001, i have actually started to feel at ease with him again. started to feel secure in the relationship and started to feel i could trust him again.

the last time, i did not have anything concrete other than that other woman saying that he said he was divorced - and he saying he never said that. this time, i am having real-time conversations to read through on a daily basis. what a folly this online environment has become. he is actually ignorant enough to be unaware of his chat log acumulating in the “my received files” folders. i sometime scold myself for reading it. for if i hadn’t i will still be blissfully happy in my marriage. i will not be this confused. i will not be feeling this sense of someone pressing my lungs hard and long enough to make it difficult to breath. i will not be feeling this cold shiver running through my body the moment i read what they have to say behind my back about me. and i will not be feeling these tears welling behind my eyes.

the agonizing part is that this time he is not lying about his marital status. but he is using another line. that he is suffocating in this marriage. that both of us are not compatible. one of them uses a nick “vathu kiba” to refer to me (whatever that means). the conversations starts in the middle of a relationship. and now i am seeing the making of another relationship. his mobile credit seems to be always running out. and he gets all defensive when i even question it a little. and it gets much more distressing when some of their conversations reveal that they have known each other before.

i am starting to blame myself for putting myself in this situation. why couldn’t i just have ignored his recent addiction with msn?!! why couldn’t i have granted him his privacy! am i being paranoid? is this just some little time pass that he is going through? should i give him a chance to get over this infatuation (if i may call it that) and give him a chance to explain?

what i honestly can’t understand is why he is doing this

i am really scared of what is happening to my life. my kids life!!!

can relationships work without compromise?

i tend to believe that compromise is needed to adapt to the needs of others for a relationship is a give-and-take situation. and compromise is what i have been doing for the past 12 years. but to what extent?

where do we draw the line? how much do we tolerate before we say “enough is enough”? how much can one keep giving if there is nothing to take or receive in return?

I know i am full of questions. that simply is the sate of my mind at the moment.

i don’t know what to do. my marital relationship is going down the drain. and it all boil downs to how much i am ready to compromise to make it work. i dunno how much longer i can tolerate it, how much longer i can act as nothing is wrong.

but at the moment, i can pretend (at least for a while) not to know that he is cheating behind my back because we are having a relatively good relationship on the face front. the moment he knows that i know, we will no longer be able to keep up this charade. i have known for over a month now and knowing is the hard part. i have had time to think about it and thought the wisest decision would be to weather it through as nothing has really changed in our actual relationship. but i have seen another twist in the story in the past few days - and i am shattered.

at times i want to confront him – demand answers. but at other times, i am scared of opening that can of ants. for, the moment it is open it will be hard to put the lid back on. i fear the unknown – of what will happen when the cat is out of the sack. i feel vulnerable as i am on a strange land with strangers around me.

during these past two years, never have i felt home sick as much as i am right now. i want to be back on my home land with familiar faces. i want a familiar shoulder to cry on

my left eye is twitching. has been for the last five hours!!!

can’t remember the last time it twitched this bad. but what i can remember is my mom. she always has something to say about twitching eyes. according to her one eye is related to something good and the other eye to something bad happening.

i cannot ever remember which one is which – whether it is the right associated with the good or the other way around. maybe because i don’t realy believe it.

but it is an interesting concept, ey?!!!

any biological or scientific explanation to this?

this news about maldives submerging is really making news in australia.

i heard about this issue in relation to our new president and a land offer from australia, from my colleagues here. he said he heard the news just that morning and was saying that it’s reason enough reconsider coming back here to live once my studies were over.

my reply was an immediate refusal of the news and the first thing that occurred to ask was “how come you hear news about maldives before i do?”

anyway, i really did not think much of that news. thought he must have misheard it and dismissed it at that. that was tuesday. and then the next day, another colleague came over to me and said how sorry she was about the news. about maldives not being there anymore. but that we were really welcome in australia anytime. now a second person and this definitely hit me hard.

so i went sleuthing for the news. i haven’t listened to local (maldivian) news or read any news for a few days because i have been awfully busy with studies these few days. anyway, came across two blog entries on the mvblogs about this issue and both of them were not that informative really. one of those entries had a link to the transcript of the australian radio program that initially started that talk.

and after reading that i again couldn’t help but believe that the news has been blown out of proportion. and today [13 nov], i made it a point to listen to DhiDM morning news at 8:00 and it seems DRP is cautioning the current government to be careful what they say and how they say things that effect the country’s viability and reputation. and i think there’s validity in drp’s concern.

this claim of securing land overseas in the event of the sea level going over our land will surely scare international investors and also will accelerate the brain drain that has been taking place for a few years now.

now let’s take the news in perspective. i don’t know exactly what the current government said about the issue of the sea level rising and its dangers to maldives. what i gathered from that titbit from the transcrip is that zaki said something about him hearing or “seeing” an article which said the australia had said they have scope to receive maldivian as environmental refugees. and the australian news station that picked on zaki’s words, said that maldives with its new government is trying to buy land in australia because they are going under water!!!

this mix up of reporting is …  a mix-up i alright. the australian listener’s “heard” that maldives is looking for land because of rising sea level. for people so far away this really sounds scary!!! but people from maldives is not gonna believe it happening at least for their lives. so most of us aren’t that concerned.

but the bottom line is that investors sure will be concerned.